First loser

Somewhere I heard that expression "first loser" as a reference 2nd place and for whatever reason that expression has been in my mind ALL DAY.
It's extremely insightful though. When you have your heart set on winning something, receiving 2nd place has no glamour. Regardless of how innately prestigious it might be, it still hurts. Compounding that feeling is the "congratulations" that is uttered by those that fell far below 2nd and think that its a great honor. All the while, I'm thinking, yeah, maybe 2nd is great in your world, but I should have gotten first. Second is considered a failure. I realize that this isn't the most healthy attitude and reflects a degree of self-absorbance that is undeniable. But it is what it is.
Some specifics you might ask?
Well there are certain subjects that I, in general, have avoided blogging about because they are endless bogs. One such subject is school. Today the winners of the National Science Foundation Graduate Fellowships were announced. Across the country, approximately 900 Fellows were announced. There were 1,000 more "Honorable Mentions." The way the process works, a TON of applications are sent in and ranked. Then depending on the funding from the beloved national government, all the money is divided to top ranked applicants. (The Fellowships fund all graduate research, which is quite the amazing feature... it gives the student unparralled freedom and ability to join any lab and do any research they want) Because of the limited funding the designation "honorable mention" was created to reward applicants that, in an ideal world, would be funded because they reflect a strong application. The selection criteria are two fold Intellectual Merit and Broader Impact Potential. Because University of Chicago asked me to apply, I figured I was somewhat solid on the Intellectual Merit. What separates applicants is the Broader Impact criterion. This may shock some of you, but some scientists are very one dimensional. They don't embrace life, bellydancing, sports, etc. They don't carry that love of science into the rest of the world. For all my faults, I think I really do well in this area, especially as I compare myself to other grad students with what I've done. So while it is extremely competitive, I was really hopeful.
So obviously the punchline is, I received an honorable mention. This is the best that any one did in my program (they didn't even get that) And apparently there is only a very narrow window while you are eligible for this award, but because of how late UC starts classes I could technically apply again next year ( and UC-ers who receive honorable mention one year who apply again have a really good success rate to get the full funded fellowship) And most people are really excited for it. But I'm disappointed. Officially I'm in the 93rd-75th percentile. With my luck, 93rd. Right next to the the cutoff line.

I will leave you with some lyrics from the man who brought the wisdom of Country Grammar (Nelly):
"2 is not a winner and three on one will remember"
I'm feeling better already.
:-)