I've been pretty missing in action in the last month and I'm sorry. I keep thinking things will get better and they keep not. I did make it back from Florida. It was a marvelous vacation and unfortunately made being back here and working even more miserable. The weather was gorgeous, the people were great, and I fell in love. With my rental car. Due a mix-up, I drove an Audi Convertible around South Florida. It was pretty damn amazing. Honestly, I'm still have adjustment issues with my civic. I think its safe to say that I will quite seriously consider an Audi for me next car. Maybe not the convertible part (if I'm still in the midwest...) but it was pretty amazing.
So I got back and it's been particularly hellish. You may remember the awfulness of last September (the Prelim Exam). The spring is the next big time exam (Qualifying Exam). The Quals is where you propose your thesis to your thesis committee. My committee is due on Monday. I still don't really HAVE a thesis. I have very little help and I'm just really overwhelmed. I'm not sure if it's all my fault or the fault of the lab I joined. (Chalk up another big decision mistake for me). I'm trying to stay positive and remind myself that really nothing can be improved until after I get through this. The thesis proposal is due at the end of April with the oral exam (again 2-3 hours) sometime in mid-late May (or early June). So I've been trying to figure out who to ask to be on my committee without really having a project and following all of these ridiculous rules. Overall its been stressful. And the worst part is I'm just at a loss as to how to make the situation better. Normally, I can find a plan of attack. I work hard, I'm not dumb, I can make most things happen. I just feel really alone and over my head and trying to swim and failing. To the point where I also feel like I'm not even trying as hard as I used to because of the feeling futility. Not a typical amy quality, but it's rough. I think writing in general would probably be a good thing so I'll try to find some time to comment on things unrelated to my complete failure to develop a thesis. Baseball starts soon! (And by baseball I mean the cubs, a japan opener is just crap..)